Too Far Off The Path To My Sanctuary

ive been lost trying to find

an old me that died.

mourned years now…

the grieving process never-ending.

i sit here, smiling, pretending.

i used to wipe my eyes,

but lately i can’t cry.

only every once upon a time,

do i remember that you never were mine.

happy endings i never believed.

why am i so suprised by the truth of things?

i cant remember the feeling of being hopeful for myself.

not sure where i should be heading,

going through these years down-looking….

fazed.

hazed.

and i had to get hazy just to write this.

what happened to the girl with stars in her eyes, and a glow in her heart?

sometimes im so filled with regret, i fall apart.

falling, but standing tall.

i have walls put up for it all,

my writer’s block because of it,

the need to not give a shit.

about him.

my Apollyon.

need to block the constant pain,

a hurt so bad, they should make a vaccine.

never was i angry, the destroyer made me mean.

never was i powerless, the destroyer has me at my knees.

never was i hateful, the destroyer makes me destroy.

i gave him my heart out of desperation for love, and was played like a toy.

and cast to the side time and time again.

still i denied the precision that, at some point, he would not pick me up anymore.

i would lie on the lowest cold floor.

not wanted, not needed….

unless lust  heeded, i remain unseen.

unheard, my screaming words.

stuck in a glass box, indestructible.

i laugh at that principle,

so untrue when im at hands of the destroyer.

scalled deeply.

his lies of needing,

his lies of feeling.

frozen hearts cannot feel.

it was never real.

i lost myself to the destroyer,

and until i lose him i will only wander farther and farther..

-Haley LaBossiere

currently listening to Jack’s Mannequin, Everything in Transit Album.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s